Here it is! The first Poultry Apologies and Foot Holes post since the resurrection! I’m so excited I could…well, I’ve been sitting here for a minute or so trying to decide how excited I am and what that feeling might make me do. So, I guess I’m not as excited as I led you to believe.
Let’s just get right to the ranting, shall we?
TurboTax or Intuit or TurboTax Live (Pick a name already!) has an ad all over television about crypto. This dorky looking guy has apparently invested. One minute he’s a millionaire and the next, he’s not. It happens more than once when along comes a TurboTax lady.
“Crypto can be complicated,” she says. “But as a tax expert with crypto experience, you–”
Now hold it right there, lady. That dude is a tax expert with crypto experience? Really? The guy who invested in crypto?
Pardon me. I’ll let her continue: “–can hand your taxes off to me.”
Like I thought. If dorky guy is a tax expert with crypto experience, why would he need to hand his taxes off to a TurboTax rep?
I can just hear the ad writers agonizing over how to get “tax expert with crypto experience” and “you can hand your taxes off to me” to go together.
Mad Man One: She’s a tax expert with crypto experience.
Mad Man Two: Right. And she wants him to hand his taxes off to her.
Mad Woman: If you want to get technical, she wants everyone to.
Mad Man Three: Not now, Marcia. How can we get that into one sentence?
Mad Woman: “I’m a tax expert with crypto experience. Hand your taxes off to me.”
MM1: We said one sentence, Marcia.
MM2: And she can’t say “I.”
Mad Woman: Why not?
MM3: It can’t be personal. It’s TurboTax, not that one lady.
Mad Woman (rolling her eyes): “We’re tax experts with crypto experience. Hand your–”
MM1: One sentence, Marcia. One!
MM2: “As a tax expert with crypto experience, you can hand your taxes off to me.”
Mad Woman: No. That isn’t right?
MM2: What’s wrong with it?
Mad Woman: “As a tax expert with crypto experience” is a phrase acting as an adjective to modify what comes next.
Mad Woman: So, Todd, it should modify the lady, not the dorky dude. It would be, “As a tax expert with crypto experience, I…” I, Todd! The lady is the tax expert. Not the clueless dude!
MM1: There’s no need to shout, Marcia.
MM3: And her name is Nia. Nia the tax expert.
Mad Woman: You said not to get personal, Todd.
MM2: Let’s just go with it. What’s for lunch?
Mad Woman: But…it’s wrong!
MM3: Nobody will notice.
MM1: Yeah. It’s not like there’s a crazy woman out there with a blog, Marcia.
*That’s a quote from the 1987 film The Stepfather. I don’t recommend it.