I have a problem with a lot of smells. People who wear flowery perfumes are awful. And people who wear enough perfume to choke a passerby are horrid. Seriously…what are they thinking?
Luckily, on most days that I go out, all the gross smells of the world leave me with only puffy eyes. But on some days, just getting a whiff of some woman’s gardenia stank can give me a headache. You can see why people in general might be a problem for someone like me.
It’s not just people, though. There’s a whole aisle in Walmart that I have to run past with my hands over my face. The dreaded scented candle aisle. dunh, Dunh, DUH!!!!
Anyway, I’m the lady in the Walmart unscrewing caps in the health and beauty section smelling everything.
The local Walmart stopped selling the only body wash I used for years: Body Essence. It was tolerable and cheap. I could handle all of their smells.
I tried to order it from the Walmart website but when I clicked to put it in my virtual cart a window popped up informing me that they’d “just sold out” of it. “Just sold out” my ass. Look Walmart, if you don’t want to sell it to me, at least put “out of stock” on the product page.
Anyway, I had a really bad experience with Dial,* as you’ll see, but managed to find a not-too-expensive “unscented” body wash from Olay at Amazon.
Amazon review ensued. I have added in the cursing I did as I wrote it but left out in the end, as I imagined Amazon wouldn’t appreciate it.
First (and there is more), I have always labored under the impression that the word “unscented” means “having no scent,” or in the vernacular “doesn’t smell.” Olay obviously sees things differently. Upon receiving your Olay Sensitive Skin Body Wash (for women!), the first thing you might do, as did I, is pop the cap and have a whiff. After all, who would be purchasing “unscented” body wash but a person who’s just had the worst experience of her life showering with Dial Sea Minerals Enriching body wash and walking around all day with puffy red eyes and a headache? Someone who has a problem with smells, that’s who. Am I right? (The second day I washed my body with my coconut smelling shampoo, thank you very much. And due to Amazon’s amazingly speedy delivery was able to use the Olay on day 3.)
Does Olay “unscented” body wash smell? Why, yes. Yes it does. It smells like soap. It’s a very mild scent, one I can tolerate nicely. And strangely enough, it seems to dissipate with the lathering (perhaps a new soap bubble de-scenting technology at work?) and after the shower, there is no lingering smell on my body. That must be what Olay means by “unscented;” but clearly that’s too much to put on a bottle.
And here’s the funny part: perfume is listed with the other ingredients on the back of the bottle! What kind of crazy world are we living in? (Seriously, like, what the fuck?) And that is the reason I knocked off one star in my overall rating. The scent itself (which shouldn’t even be listed as an option on an unscented product, but I suppose I’m beginning to understand “marketing”) got four stars because it’s very light and didn’t hang around.
Second, this product is not for women. It says in the description above that it is strictly “for women!” I was prepared to warn my husband off it. After all, it could contain estrogen. Or cooties. I don’t know. But nowhere on the product itself does it say “no men allowed,” or even, “for women.” It’s just body wash. Is it because there are French translations all over the bottle? Does Olay believe American men correlate French with feminine? That wouldn’t surprise me if it were true, to be honest. Or perhaps it’s the moisturizing? Because,
Third, this soap feels like washing your body with bubbly lotion. Am I getting clean? I have no idea. Do I care? Not really. I feel so…soft! And moist! Maybe Olay thinks men equate soft, supple skin with girls. That wouldn’t surprise me if it were true, either. Nonetheless, I won’t stop my hubs from using this product if he wants.
Fourth, it would be ever so helpful if this body wash came in a pump bottle. Maybe it does. If so, I’m a fan for life.
*Just to be clear, I did pop the cap off the Dial and have a whiff in the store. I thought I could tolerate it. But I was wrong. I was so wrong.