|Writer’s Digest March/April 2016|
Okay, so there’s that. Always Magnolia took an Honorable Mention in the mainstream/literary category in the 23rd Annual Writer’s Digest Self-published Book Awards.
Wayward Cat Publishing and its url are right there in the listing! This is the highest honor I’ve received so far, so no dissing it! I consider myself a proper celebrity now and expect all due deference. Bows, kissing the hand, that sort of thing. I have perfected the princess wave already–I’ve been at work on that for years and years. All I lack at this point is the tiara. Do they make tiaras with Cross pens on them? Because that’s what I want.
It’s a tiara pen! You can get all three of them at Amazon for $28.95 plus $14.95 shipping and handling. It comes from London! I could autograph my books with it at book festivals. I could write up all my notes with it. Use it at the grocery store to cross things off my list.
“Oh, this old thing?” I could say with a giggle. “Why, I use this pen when I can’t find one of my many life-size tiaras.”
It’s true, you know. I never really got over not being born a princess. There’s just something wrong with this world I’m in. Here I am in all my princessly finery still having to cook dinner and scrub the toilet. I would like a Jeeves. I have a Roomba; why not a Jeeves to go with it? And my Roomba comes with a remote control, so I don’t even have to bend over to turn her on! I want a Jeeves with a remote control. (Doesn’t every woman?)
In May, my oldest son is getting married. I should go as a princess. Jeeves and Roomba can come along as my entourage. I’ll carry my tiara pen as a scepter. I don’t think this dress will be too much, do you?
You can get it from PromGirl for only $495. I mean, I can get it there. Because I totally am! I deserve it!
I have put in the hours! I have stomped my feet! My princess pedigree has been stamped, people!
Bow. Kiss the hand. Wave.
Thank you, thank you all for this high honor.