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| Snowy egret. Viera Wetlands, Viera FL August 17, 2018 |
This morning, we went out to the Viera Wetlands and, like idiots, tried to walk it. It was so ridiculously hot we practically melted. The only reason I don’t have a headache and stomachache right now is Red Robin‘s bacon cheeseburger and garlic fries. The only thing that cures heat exhaustion (and hangovers) is cheeseburgers and fries. (That’s not true, by the way…except for the hangover part. They really do help hangovers.)
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| Limpkin at Viera Wetlands, Veira FL August 17, 2018 |
We cut the walk short. Normally, the walk we make is about two miles, if I recall correctly. Today we might have done a mile. So hot. Back in the car, the temp said something stupid like 81°. No friggin’ way. It had to be 101°. Add in your humidity factor heat index exchange or whatever wacky thing it is that weather people do and it felt like 115°!
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| Alligator at Viera Wetlands, Viera FL August 17, 2018 |
Anyway, wildlife isn’t as stupid as we are so we didn’t see much. Alligators. Some really cute little ones, but not the smallest ones we’ve ever seen. Ibis, white and glossy. Red-winged black bird. Tri-colored heron. Snowy egret. Great egret and great blue heron. The usual anhingas. Gallinules with chicks. The two limpkins we always see. Black vultures. Even a red-shouldered hawk that caught and ate a small snake. I guess that’s not bad, now that I’ve listed it out like that.
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| Gallinule with chicks at Viera Wetlands, Viera FL August 17, 2018 |
So, yeah, after taking a second shower (Florida!) we headed out to Red Robin and saw an Ohio license plate. Why would anyone come to Florida from Ohio in the dead of summer? We figure you northern people think we’re joking about the heat and humidity. You say to yourselves, “Bah, heat. We know heat up here in O-Hiya-Oh.” Well, we hope that dude learned his lesson.
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| Great blue heron and anhinga. Viera Wetlands, Viera FL August 17, 2018 |
Only the hardiest of folk leave the air conditioning in August in Florida. You know that thing you northerners have called “spring cleaning?” You do that after you’ve been cooped up all winter and the house needs airing out. Well, in Florida, the closest we come is falleluliah. That’s when the weather starts to feel less hot, sometime after Halloween. We might open up some windows and clean. Or we might just open the windows and forget the cleaning.
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| White Ibis at Viera Wetlands, Viera FL August 17, 2018 |
I really hate that beer commercial where the dude digs into a cooler on the beach, pulls out a can and shouts, “Summer is here!” Please. We don’t go outside in the summer in Florida. Summer is painfully hot. There’s nothing natural about sweating under your bra, folks. I guess I’ll admit that if you go to the beach in a bikini you could enjoy a summer day, but you can’t drink beer in the Florida sun. You’d die. Seriously. You. Will. Die.
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| Little gator at Viera Wetlands, Viera FL August 17, 2018 |
Anyway, we heckled the people sitting outside at Starbucks and Chipotle–Idiots. Isn’t bad enough they’re drinking coffee or risking getting violently ill? They’ve got to sit outside in the Florida heat to do it?–and made it safely back home from our safari none the worse for wear. Whatever that means.*
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| Great egret at Viera Wetlands, Viera FL August 17, 2018 |
Stay chill, people. Stay indoors.
*None the worse for wear means “not damaged, harmed, or made worse by something. Sometimes used ironically to indicate that someone or something would be improved by doing something.” Hmph.