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| You people are creepy. Photo by the_quick_nick via flickr |
There is a high-pitched whine emanating from a machine in the corner of the room and it’s probably going to drive me insane. I don’t know how long that sort of thing takes, maybe weeks or months, but you should definitely be on the lookout for strange tics and rantings of lunacy from me in the near future.
So, with that in mind, hear me out about men, and the women who enable them.
Look. Men are perverted little turds. We all know it. They’re driven by sexual mania. It starts early and literally consumes them until the age of twenty-one, when most of them manage to suppress it because society tells them they have to “adult” now.
The reality is that a lot of men, dare I say, most men (and yes, I know, NOT ALL MEN, I get it) think of women as sexual objects. There’s definitely a scale:
Normal dude, not creepy: Likes breasts and butts, and women as people, and is polite enough to keep his appreciation of their physical attributes focused on his wife or girlfriend. Looks other women in the eye. Only makes sexually demeaning jokes about women with his buds. Cries when he wears the wrong shirt to work and upsets the matriarchy.
A little bit creepy: Guy likes to look, when he can get away with it. Fantasizes about sex with beautiful women. (Wait, they all do that. But this guy actually thinks it could happen.) Appreciates the female form. Winks and whistles at strange women–believes he’s paying them a compliment.
Creepy: Guy leers at breasts and butts. Raises his brows in what he thinks is an appreciative gesture. Winks. Suggests a little sexual play. With any woman who will look at him for more than a few seconds. Touches women on the arm, knee, hair, back for a few seconds hoping to get away with it. Calls women honey and sweetie.
Very Creepy: Guy touches women on the arm, knee, hair, back for prolonged periods and if not rebuffed, starts rubbing. Offers neck massages. Maybe a pinch on the ass if he gets the go-ahead. (The go-ahead being not having been slapped yet.) Thinks sticking his tongue out and wagging it is flirting. Watches too long and even follows to keep looking. If not told not to, will pretend to hump a woman in line in front of him and think it’s funny. Calls women bitches.
Super Creepy: Guy likes to get women alone so he can show them his penis, because he seriously thinks women like to see penises. Asks women to watch him pee or masturbate. Will grab a breast or butt if the woman hasn’t run screaming from the room yet. Better yet, grabs strangers’ various parts knowing it’s her word against his. Calls women cunts.
Oh, My God! Criminally Creepy: Guy thinks women want to have sex with him and nothing they can say will change his mind. He forces himself on women, but not violently. He doesn’t think this is rape because she didn’t scream. Of course, most women don’t scream when they’ve been drugged or plied with enough alcohol to toast an elephant.
Anything above that is just plain criminal and the creepiness factor doesn’t come into play because the guy is just a rapist.
Men are creepy. The problem is that, for some reason, a lot of men have it in their heads that:
1. Women want to have sex with them, but they pretend not to because society tells them they shouldn’t. And to be honest, it’s these same men who call women who do have a lot of sex “sluts” and “whores.” So, basically, men are crazy, too.
or
2. Women hate men and use flirting and sex to emasculate and control them.
And both of these sorts of women, according to these men, should be put in their places via the methods listed above. You can tell this is true because at some point, most creepy guys will say something along the lines of “She wants it, bad” or “You know you want it.”
Uh. No. We don’t.
Except that, we do. And here we come to the problem with women.
The problem with women [NOT ALL WOMEN, yeah, yeah] is that there actually are women who:
1. Say no, when they really want to say yes. They want to have sex, but society (both men and women) tells them that if they have a lot of sex, they are “sluts” and “whores.” So they say no, no, no. But they eventually give in. Which tells men that women want to have sex with them, but it takes a lot of persuading. The more you persuade, and the various methods you incorporate in your persuasion, the better your chances of getting sex, which is what men are almost constantly hoping for. [Yeah, yeah, NOT ALL MEN.]
People. This is just mother nature at work. Have you seen the lengths male birds and mammals will go to to get laid? I’m telling you, men are like peacocks, waving their ridiculously silly genitalia at whatever looks at them twice just hoping for some recognition.
You kind of feel sorry for them. [NOT ALL MEN. heh, heh.]
2. Say yes only to get really pissed off afterward because they said yes and the guy is so confused he realizes that if he just leaves right after sex, he can avoid drama.
3. Actually do use their bodies, flirting, and sex to emasculate and control men. It’s so easy to do, after all.
4. See their bodies as sexual playthings, enjoy sexuality, but then balk when men go for it.
So, what I’m saying is that for all of the feminists railing against the creeps in Hollywood and corporations all over the country, for those insisting that men stop looking at women as objects–a walking set of orifices, if you will–and for those demanding women be treated with respect and dignity, there are women out there wearing Hooters uniforms, posting selfies of their cleavage (and more), and wiggling harder when they hear a cat call. Do I have to say it? Twerking!
Women, we are fighting a losing battle. Men [NOT ALL MEN] will always be sexually motivated and women [NOT ALL WOMEN] will appreciate the attention, or worse use their sexuality to demean men.
This society does not respect women. At all. Seriously, we’ve got a chain of restaurants called HOOTERS. [Owls, my ass.] And you want men to not be creeps about our bodies? We’ve got music blasting on the radio about Porn Star Dancing and women who may be crazy but fuck so good he’s…whatever the creep is willing to do for the sex. On the radio. Have you not seen The Big Bang Theory‘s glorification of men like Howard Wolowitz? The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders? These are literally women dancing around in skimpy uniforms, cheering on the big he-men playing sports.
It’s not going to get better because too many women don’t care. Too many women equate flaunting their bodies sexually with sexual autonomy. [They are not the same thing.] And too many women aren’t smart enough to equate the two and just like flaunting their bodies. And yes, too many women let men grab them by the pussy. [What a stupid euphemism.] Some of them no doubt like it. [Stop freaking out. NOT ALL WOMEN are like you.]
There is no redeeming creeps and the women who love them. Not in my lifetime or yours. Not ever. Because just as it is with all good things, there will always be more of them than of us.
The best we can do, if you ask me, is work toward getting the creeps to stop forcing themselves on us. But, getting them to stop trying to touch us? To stop with the creepy “compliments” and sexual innuendo? To stop the whistling and tongue wagging? I don’t see it happening. Men [NOT ALL MEN] are just too creepy. And too many women love it.
Rant over. And curiously, the high-pitched whine has been silenced by all that typing.