Don’t sleep, there are roaches*

Funnily enough, I recently heard a “did you know” kind of clip on the radio and one of the things they mentioned was that in a recent survey, 69% of responders said they couldn’t sleep if they knew there was an insect in their house.

There are times when I wish I had a cat. This wasn’t one of them. I’ve never had a cat that bothered with roaches. Either I had dumb cats, or they just considered themselves above that sort of thing.
Picture of her cat Doobie by Paula over at flickr

Last night at about 11:30, just as I was about to turn out the light, I saw an enormous roach next to my dresser. Oh. My. God.

So, there I was, between my bed and the dresser, trying to get low enough to the floor, and yet reach around to the side of the dresser and over the corner of my night table, to smash him with my shoe. But not so low that when he rushes me I can’t get away. Because that’s one of the things they love to do. They play all wounded and dead like, until you make your move, and then they chase you around the room.

Well, I got a good smack, but missed the bugger–at least missed the majority of him, because he darted under the dresser. Well, I thought, that’s just great. Now there’s a roach, not dead, under my dresser. I can’t go to sleep now! He’ll crawl out and get on the bed and terrorize me. Just the thought of him doing that will terrorize me.

So, I got the Raid and a flashlight. I used the light to peer under the dresser and I found the vile creature in a front corner. I might have missed him if it weren’t for his long antenna. Shudder

This was the worst part: I had to get down onto the floor to spray the Raid under the dresser. If he rushed me, I’d scream and flail around, trapped there against the bed. Hubs would wake up and shake his head sadly. “There she goes again,” he’d mumble, toss a pillow over his head and go back to sleep.

The first spray came out wonky, mostly onto the carpet. So I sprayed again. Mind you, I couldn’t see under the dresser without the flashlight and couldn’t hold the flashlight and spray at the same time. So I was spraying into the unknown.

After a good dousing of the front corner without being accosted by said roach, I peered under it once again with the flashlight and…nothing. He was GONE! GONE, I TELL YOU! 

Now what do I do?

Obviously I couldn’t go to sleep. If I got him with the spray, he’d come out to die and I might step on him when I get up in the middle of the night to pee or something. Even if I tried to sit up in bed and slip my bedroom shoes on before touching the floor…he could be IN MY SHOES! That was not going to work for me. But worse. Sometimes as they’re shuffling off the mortal exoskeleton, they try to climb the wall. And he could climb the wall and end up over my head and drop down on me. 

Or I didn’t get him at all and he was just waiting there for me to get into bed, at which point he would seek his revenge.

No. No way was I going to get in that bed, turn out the light, and sleep. So, I grabbed my pillow and went out into the family room to watch television. I watched the first couple of episodes of a show about soccer, I think. They called it football, but it looked like soccer. It was called “The English Game.” So, cool. Found another show to watch.

Anyway, at about 1:00 a.m. I was finally sleepy enough to give it a go. I’d checked the area a few times, lighting up the room as much as I dared while hubs was sleeping, looking for the dastardly devil. Finally, I decided that if he hadn’t climbed the walls yet, or come out to go belly up, he was probably going to stay where he was for the night.

After all, I reasoned, I live in Florida. There are roaches and bugs everywhere. And yes, even sometimes in the house. We usually only see them after a good de-bugging when they come out to slowly die. This one did look a bit peaked. 

So, I did it. I went to sleep with a roach in the room. And as far as I know, he didn’t get on me while I slept. And that’s about as much as a Floridian can hope for.

Of course, it’s still there, somewhere. Probably in my bra drawer. The battle continues…

*The title is a parody of Don’t Sleep, There are Snakes by Daniel L. Everett, a book on my shelf that I have yet to read. Maybe I’ll read it after I finish The New History of the World by J.M. Roberts.

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